It was 6 months ago that I left my church. It seems like an
interesting time to reflect on what has happened in that time, and also on what
happened then – the question of the title.
Firstly, I should point out that I have been occasionally
attending another church on Sundays. I turn up when I feel like it, join in,
and do not get committed. That is the point, sort of – I do not wish to spend
my time and effort on a church structure.
So have I lost my faith? It depends on what you mean. Have I
lost my Christian faith – no, quite definitely not. If anything it is stronger
now, as I can spend time exploring, and thinking through questions and doubts
that I have. Also, the www.boredwithchurch.info
site has driven me into looking into a particular area of faith to explore, and
I am finding this very challenging and exciting.
So have I lost my faith? If you mean in the church, then the
answer is yes. It has been tenuous for a long time, but I finally came to the
position that I had to admit my faith in the church as a structure and
organisation had gone. I should clarify what I mean by this – I don’t mean that
the Body of Christ, the assortment of Christian believers is no longer important.
Quite the opposite, and this is my understanding of the church as describes in
the Bible. What I mean is that the structures and organisations that make up
“the church” to most people are no longer appropriate and relevant to a
Christian faith.
In the months after leaving, one thing I noticed what that
my evenings were free. Without the endless meetings or preparation to support
the church structure, I had free time, which I could spend writing this blog,
reading, engaging (or, most often, blobbing out). It struck me that an awful
lot of the effort of church members is spent on supporting the structure, and
very little of that is really about growing as a Christian. That is one of my
biggest problems with the church structure at the moment – that the time and
effort involved in supporting the structure can seriously take away from time
to support the personal growth of people involved. It convinces me that for
many people, if they are to grow as a Christian, the last thing they need is
the church.
The other thing I find interesting is that, in the last 6
months, the only people to contact me have been the members of my house group.
I am grateful for their contact, but I am shocked – genuinely – that none of
the other people in the church that I would have considered friends have been
in touch. No-one, it would seem, is concerned over my well-being, my spiritual
situation, my more detailed reasons. My feeling is that, now I am no longer
contributing to the church structure and processes, it seems that I am of no
interest to anyone.
To me, that is the saddest reflection on the church of all.
Interesting. I am very aware of how much time our church demands of me (though it doesn't really demand, it's more that I volunteer because I know we all have to work or the church will fold, and this bunch of people matters a great deal to me). Basically, most of the time my church life *is* my social life - and this is not necessarily health, not least because I have few friends who aren't Christians. At the same time, I am so grateful for this place where I have been able to ask questions, to say anything I like, and where I have been nursed back from great fragility, that I consider it time well spent. But I'm not sure that all churches deserve the time put into them by lay people...
ReplyDeleteMy other question, Veronica, is where can people who are not associated with a church find to talk and ask questions? We should either a) join in with them, and have our beliefs challenged rather more vigorously or b) make somewhere that everyone can ask and talk.
DeleteYour last paragraph resonates with me...I didn't go to my French Eglise Reformée (where I'd always been welcomed, and people had spoken to me; where I had preached and led services) for almost a year. In that year I only saw one person -who has become an "outside Church" friend - and I had no messages from anyone else INCLUDING the Pastor. Nobody contacted me to see if I was OK, or if I had any problems. Perhaps my friend had said I was OK, I don't know, but when I did return, all the Pastor said was "Hello, Fat Dormouse" Nothing else. Others said "Nice to see you again? Are you OK?" but I felt really rather hurt.
ReplyDeleteI've not lost my faith in God, but I have lost some of my faith in Church. Though having said that, I loved it when I went back to a MotR Anglican church in the UK this summer.
I'm trying to work out where to go from here...
If you want to discuss and talk about where you go and what you do, feel free to contact me at boredwithchurch@gmail.com, or check out my website www.boredwithchurch.info. I am here to help.
DeletePlease try posting your question on the Ship of Fools forum. Best bet is in the section known as purgatory, where the serious (and non-flaming) debates occur.
ReplyDeletehttp://forum.ship-of-fools.com
I've seen similar questions there answered respectfully and thoroughly.