Spiritual Abuse

There is a lot of news about abuse of various sorts these days, but there is a type of abuse that fills my twitter timeline, but doesn't seem to make the news. That is spiritual abuse, and particularly spiritual abuse in mainstream churches. There is, every so often, a story of some strange cult that is abusing people, but I want to explore the issue of abuse within normal, ordinary, Christian churches. And the issues are common across churches, denominations, theologies, countries.


There are, I think, two aspects to spiritual abuse that are linked but distinct. they are "this is what you should believe" and "this is what you should do/not do". Let me explore these one at a time.

I was in a church when the preacher - admittedly, a student at the local vicar factory - told us that PSA was the only acceptable understanding of atonement. I nearly walked out. The problem is that, with most of the important doctrines of faith, if you think you have understood them, you have not yet started on the path to understanding them. The concomitant errors of thinking you can explain them in 5 minutes of a sermon, and your certainty that this is the sum of the explanation, merely result from this initial error. MacQuarrie has outlined over 20 ways of interpreting atonement, and they are not all compatible. I would argue that they are, nonetheless, all partially true, all containing some aspect of the deeper truth about what this actually means.

This is the beautiful paradox of faith. If it was something we could understand with our limited minds, then it would be, in my view, less than divine. Theology is not a science, where we have to seek to find the One True Explanation - it is a journey, where we have to accept change and difference. Everybody doesn't drive the same sort of car, on the same route, and some people use trains, bicycles and feet. The same is true of the life of faith. Sometimes, I walk, sometimes I drive, and sometimes I drunkenly stagger from the train.

I have no problems with someone telling me that "this is what I believe to be the truth". I only have a problem when I am told that disagreeing is wrong. When I am told - usually implicitly - that disagreeing means that I am putting myself outside God, outside truth, outside hope. Because I think that the opposite is actually true - this questioning, this disagreement, this desire to continue to seek is the real path of God, of truth. Seeking to stop people exploring their faith in a manner that is true for the is spiritual abuse. I see my role in life as being to help people explore their faith in whatever way is right for them, to help them question, challenge, learn and grow. I am saddened that so many in church leadership - one presumes including this particular student - seem to feel the opposite.

The other aspect of spiritual abuse is being told what you can and can't do, or should or shouldn't do. By this, I don't mean the Commandments of your Church - Thou shalt not Drink; Thou shalt not Swear; Thou shalt not Use the Bible in an Argument. Actually, these are simply outworkings of the first type of abuse. What I am talking about here is far more serious.

There are certain stereotypes of people in churches, and these are regularly reinforced. A young mother will, of course, want to be involved in the creche. Someone 5 years younger than anyone else in the main congregation will want to work with the young people. Someone who plays an "acceptable" instrument will want to be involved in leading worship.

If you have a vision for doing something, especially something that doesn't fit with your stereotypes, then there is a good chance that you will encounter some resistance. So, you want to set up a coffee shop? Well, interesting idea, but I am not sure that this is the way our ministry is taking us these days. You want to preach? Well, I am not sure that this is the appropriate ministry for you in this church. You want to not come to church on Sunday mornings? Well, I think you will find that Sunday Morning Church Attendance is one of the crucial marks of a spiritually mature person. Why don't you look at volunteering for the Sunday School?

The thing is that a lot of church energy is spent on Continuing To Do The Things We Already Have. Very little is spent - mostly - on Doing New And Radical Things. Even less is spent on Stopping Doing Things That We Can No Longer Maintain. So the church continues to put people who fit into roles that exist, and people who don't fit will never be able to change the church.

In fact, if you don't fit, the chances are you will get the message that you are not really working for the Kingdom, you are a Problem, you are Wrong or Mistaken. And yet it is the people who don't fit who are the most important. these are the ones who might be hearing Gods newer directions, new ideas, new front lines.

I have spent most of my time encouraging people to do things, to try things out. More recently, I have not been able to, because I have been prevented by the churches and the church structures I have been involved in. This is one reason why I got out. We are so often concerned about things being good, things been smooth, things working well, that we don't like to let people try things. So often our systems seem to be more important than people.

This is abuse. Telling people that they haven't heard from God (when you have no clue whether they have or not) is abuse. Telling people that you have heard from God, when in fact you have just heard from the childrens work leaders about their lack of people is abuse. It doesn't have to be the words about hearing from God, but the message is the same.

If you want to do something, go ahead and do it. Yes, take the consequences. Yes put the work in yourself to make things happen. It is nicer if a church organisation can get behind you, provide some support, some insight, some expertise, but if not then you will probably find it much harder. That does not mean it was wrong. Yes, use other people to ensure that you are not just being a deluded idiot. But don't let people tell you what you can and cannot do.

You can do anything.